Been spending some time here:
Come see me…
I’m not BACK back but I’m writing. Today…I am writing. My mother’s birthday is in 2 days. For a quick second this morning, I was actually in shock that I hadn’t heard from her yet about all the gifts and flowers and carrot cake cheesecake that she wanted for her birthday.
I was in shock that I hadn’t heard from my deceased mother. Chew on that shit for a minute. Whewww…that is some crazy shit. Not crazy like looney…but crazy like she’s been gone for over two months and I still think my phone is going to ring and it will be her. I still get funny emails and start to type “Ber…” to forward them to her.
THAT, my friends, is some fucked up and hurtful shit. Please believe me when I say this HURTS. Like…physical pain…
Today, I have been at work with this heavy ass feeling in my heart. Mia and QQ have been a blessing and they don’t even know it. They have taken my mind off things for a nice little minute. But the reality of the situation is that my mother’s birthday is in two days and she will not be turning 54 years old.
I am sitting here trying not to cry because I wore mascara today and the last thing I need is for this shit to be running everywhere and for people to see it and come in here and close my office door and tell me it will get better FUCK THAT SHIT.
What makes it even worse is that my father’s birthday is Friday. So, it’s not like I can roll around and live in this grief because he’s still here and we have to try to keep it together for him.
I’m not back. But writing helps me. These next few days will be rough. I thank you all for your prayers. I am trying.
(I was told that I should try to write about her, that it might help. At this point, I cannot do that. This CANNOT be my life right now. The past few days, I have been ok. While everyone around me has been falling apart, I have been strong, making arrangements to send my Mommy off in a way that she would like…calling the mortgage company, credit cards, etc. Today…I just really wish I could hug my mother. I wish I could call her and hear her laugh. I’d even be ok with her bitching me out about something. You never realize these things until after someone is gone. How was I to know that our last conversation would be about my prom dresses and Pillars of the Earth?)
So, yeah…all I can say right now is Hiatus. Indefinite.
Please pray for us.
Sitting on the end of my bed, brushing my teeth, watching Sports Center. Den nen nen DEN NEN NEN!
Anyway, I just about lost my shit when I see Rafer Alston slap Eddie House in the back of the head.
I had an instant flashback to Bernice doing the same to my brother…”Boy, SITCHO ass down and be quiet!”
Mr. House gets a *slight* side-eye for the weak stare down but I guess it’s good he didn’t chin-check dude…right? LOL!
I was late for work laughing at that ish. Hilarity!
The first time I paid $1.50 to get a Cafe Mocha from this machine, it only filled the cup halfway. I took a sip…steaming hot liquid sugar.
Last night, before my last Final for the semester, I pay another $1.50 for a Cafe Mocha. Full cup. YESSSSSSSSSSSS! I take a sip. Steaming hot liquid ASS. There was no sugar in this shit! Too much sugar, no sugar AT ALL…I can’t win with this fucking machine…
LeBron arrives at St. Vincent-St. Mary high school in Akron, OH to receive the NBA MVP award. I’m a witness to all that fine manliness…yum!
Get it, boo.
Lebron and his mother, Gloria James.
Lebron, girlfriend Savannah, Lebron James, Jr. and Bryce James. I love LeBron and he is my boo but this really is a cute picture…how handsome are those boys???
LeBron gets a bit choked up before he starts speaking about his mom. Don’t cry, baby. LOL
LeBron introduces his teammates. For real…yall are up here in sweatpants and tee shirts? J.J…sit and down. Immediately. LOL
Congratulations to LeBron. He truly deserved this award.