Ok.
August 3, 2009I’m not BACK back but I’m writing. Today…I am writing. My mother’s birthday is in 2 days. For a quick second this morning, I was actually in shock that I hadn’t heard from her yet about all the gifts and flowers and carrot cake cheesecake that she wanted for her birthday.
I was in shock that I hadn’t heard from my deceased mother. Chew on that shit for a minute. Whewww…that is some crazy shit. Not crazy like looney…but crazy like she’s been gone for over two months and I still think my phone is going to ring and it will be her. I still get funny emails and start to type “Ber…” to forward them to her.
THAT, my friends, is some fucked up and hurtful shit. Please believe me when I say this HURTS. Like…physical pain…
Today, I have been at work with this heavy ass feeling in my heart. Mia and QQ have been a blessing and they don’t even know it. They have taken my mind off things for a nice little minute. But the reality of the situation is that my mother’s birthday is in two days and she will not be turning 54 years old.
I am sitting here trying not to cry because I wore mascara today and the last thing I need is for this shit to be running everywhere and for people to see it and come in here and close my office door and tell me it will get better FUCK THAT SHIT.
What makes it even worse is that my father’s birthday is Friday. So, it’s not like I can roll around and live in this grief because he’s still here and we have to try to keep it together for him.
I’m not back. But writing helps me. These next few days will be rough. I thank you all for your prayers. I am trying.
OH Monsters! Why don’t you say some shit?? Huh???
We love you, we’re here for you, we’re big girls we can shoulder some for ya!
NO! fuck that get better shit
I cannot imagine a chunk of me being gone , I understand, I think maybe it’ll dull overtime but people and their little wishes and their “natural order” pep talk can go suck one for a little while, I personally admire that you have soldiered on and have kept yourself more together that most people I know who crumble at lesser shit … But also don’t feel you have to be that way with us, or in your blog and stuff it should be you r place to vent and let it down or our.. FYI The shower is good for that too
Keep Ya Head Up like Tupac Babygurl.
Hi Monie…I’ve been a lurker for a while now. I just wanted to say your in my thoughts. I know exactly what your going thru. I’m a fellow Buckeye and I just lost my ‘mom’(biologically she was my Aunt, my Dad’s sister but she raised me as her daughter)…yesterday made it 2 wks ago. This pain that I feel, is unreal. I can barely think straight so I know all to well how your feeling. I keep praying for strength and the day that things will get better. {{hugs}}
There really are no words for a time like this. Comforting words can’t combat the pain. Not even if you wanted them to. You seem to still have a way to go before things even seem close to normal again. Until then, live your life
And remember…
“It’ll get better?”
WTF?!?! GTFOH. That is not helpful.
My mom lost her mom 4 years ago. She STILL sometimes picks up the phone to call her. And I hate to see how it hurts her everytime. I think what people are trying to say when they so stupidly say that it will get better is that it becomes a very important part of who you are. You may still have those times when you are sad and you cry and that’s ok. But there will be times as well when it doesn’t ruin your day or completely take you down for the count.
*hug*
I understand not being ‘back’, but i am really glad u wrote this, I was worried about u even though we dont know each other. I lost my sister suddenly 5 years ago and i understand the pain, I wont say i know how u feel because no one can know how u feel but i do get it. I check the site a couple times a week to see if u posted and i’m glad u did.
Friends are a blessing during a time like this, im glad u have a good support system, they make all the difference in the world. I’m still praying for u and ur fam…take care.
Damn girly…I want to say it goes away. I want to say it will be better. The pain dulls after a while. It does. That is what you can look forward to. For years after our mom died, my brother would see her in random places – in the store, in the house…so, its not crazy. Trust me. My dad has been gone for 10 years, come October. I always think about what he would say about things or what stories I didn’t hear. The wound is still fresh. It will heal, sweetie. It will.
I can’t even pretend to fully comprehend what you’re going through but I hate that you are. I’m giving you an ehug from afar and hoping you get some comfort from something soon.
Hey gurl, my heart still hurts for you, that IS some awful painful shit. So happy that your writing
I am more than sorry for your lost Monie. I can not even say that I understand. All I can do is offer my shoulder if you need one to lean on.