My Blog is Wack

Besides the fact that I can’t update at work (the best time since I’m not usually working), I can’t really use this as I originally intended. I think everyone can tell that I’m in no way, shape, or form, a writer. I read other blogs and I’m blown away by their prose. Me…I just throw some bullshit up here. LOL. Now, while I don’t call myself a writer, for me writing is a release. When I am stressed or hurt or whatever, I write down what I’m feeling and it helps tremendously. Often, my thoughts are all scrambled and I sometimes don’t make the best decisions. But when I can sit there and write and cry or whatever, everything comes into perspective.
I can’t/don’t want to write much about work because as I have said before, that shit will get you fired. And D reads this so out of respect for our relationship, I don’t want to put our/his business all out there. There are lots of things in our relationship that I’m DYING to get other people’s opinion about but…I don’t feel I can do that. And I’m not nearly clever enough to write about all the other fifty-‘leven topics in the world so where does that leave me? With this bullshit blog. LMAO!
I don’t know…maybe D will read this and tell me to write about whatever I want and he won’t get mad. Nahhhh…his ass WILL get mad. Ha!

It was 93 degrees today…

Today, I went over my Grandma’s house and did her hair before she went out of town to visit our extended family. We get to the bus station and I’m waiting with her until she boards her bus. She’s digging around in her luggage for some miscellaneous Grandma item when I notice it. My Granny had a leather coat in her suitcase. For real, Granny? You’re taking a leather coat to Memphis, TN in June?! That’s old ladies for ya. Love her though. That’s my homegirl. A leather coat…LOL!

Random Questions

I’m so sad Cleveland lost last night, I cannot do a real post. Here’s some bullshit. *sniffle*

THE WHO’S
Who is in the house with you? I’m not at home and there are lots of folks are work with me right now. If I were at home, it’d be D who was there with me.
Who are you thinking about now? Interestingly, no one in particular.
Who did you last talk to on the phone? D, to tell him I was coming home for lunch.
Whose house did you last go to? I believe my B.F.F. to help her non-mechanically inclined ass put some stuff together.
Whose birthday is next? My brother and his wifey
Who was the last person you had dinner with? D…I’m a lame. LOL
Who do you hope will take this survey?If you’re reading, consider yourself tagged! You gotta do this and then tell me to come read it…

THE WHAT’S
What was the last thing you ate? Chicken Bol from Chipotle with Chips and Guac. Yum-o!
What was the last thing you drank? Pink lemonade
What color pants are you wearing? Blue jeans.
What is the first thing you think when you wake up? Damn, allergies suck!
What is the closest item near you that is blue? My jeans.
What are you wearing on your feet? Tan wedge loafers, so cute.
What instant messaging service do you use? I use Windows messenger at work. But I don’t mess with any of that other shit.
What is your favorite color? Pink
What is your most used away message? I have an away message for when I’m out of the office but I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about here.
What is your favorite website? A messageboard I’m on…
What’s your favorite shoe brand? Hmmm…don’t think I have a fav. Whatever is cute…
What song do you currently hear? Nothing. I heard the AC blasting in this cold ass office.

THE WHERE’S
Where do you live? A suburb in Cleveland, OH
Where is your phone? On the desk, buried under my keys
Where do you sleep? In my bedroom, all hugged up on D
Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? 1st layer, Victoria’s Secret. 2nd layer, Old Navy. I know, odd combo. Shit works, though. LOL!

THE WHEN’S
When is your birthday? October 26
When did you last burn a candle? Uh, don’t know
When did you wake up? 7ish this morning
When did you do laundry last? Does picking shit up from the dry cleaners count? The laundry pile is atrocious

THE WHY’S
Why does basically half the world have a MySpace or Blog? I don’t know. MySpace will be the downfall of civilization.
Why did you take this particular survey? Because I am in mourning and I didn’t have anything else to write about.
Why are you in love? Because he makes me laugh until I soil myself and when it’s good…it’s soooooo good.

Congrats

…go out to LeBron and Savannah. Just heard a report that Mrs. LeBron had their second child, Bryce Maximus James early this morning. I think they are so cute together. Yay, congrats!

Went to court today. The Crackhead actually showed up looking a HOT DAMN mess. LOL! I was there for all of 10 minutes. Pisses me off that I drove an hour for that. The prosecutor asked Crackie if he had a lawyer. Crackie responds, “Naw, for what?! These are false charges. That girl filed false charges against me! What I need a lawyer for?” The prosecutor called me out into the hallway and told me that I didn’t need to stick around. I guess they had told Crackie he’d need a lawyer for these charges and he chose not to get one. The prosecutor said he’d ask the judge to hold dude without bond until he hired a lawyer. He said I’d get another subpoena in the mail for when I have to come back. *sigh* Another day off I’ll have to take off work (which is not so bad except I have to use my gotdamn vacation days!) Grrrrr!

Short post. I gotta watch the game. Super late “HELL YEAH!” for the Cavs winning the Eastern Conference. It was complete pandemonium in Cleveland that night. Unfortunately, I was in the Chi, visiting my girl for her baby shower. Watching the game with her dad and sister, going completely crazy! LOL! That was a good night. They’re down 3-0 right now and clearly not going to win the championship but that’s ok. I’m glad they made it to the Finals. First time in franchise history. I didn’t expect them to win their first time to the rodeo. Cleveland sports fan mantra: “Next year”. Ha! I’ll be happy if they don’t get swept. If they win tonight, I’m good. Wish em luck! Peace out!

I know, I know…

I’ve been gone for way longer than what’s right. I haven’t even been extremely busy. I’ve just…been. LOL. There’s nothing really new going on. Oh, except D and I are finally moving!!! The apartment that we have been waiting on finally had an opening. It’s not the layout we wanted by any means but it’ll be much better than where we live now. 2 bedrooms, 2 huge bathrooms, washer and dryer (not just the hookups, man!), vaulted ceilings, gorgeous appliances…I have a feeling that once we get all settled in I’m really gonna love it. We have to be out of our current place by the end of the month. Anyone wanna come help us move? = (
That’s gonna be a bitch.
Anyway, I’ll post something more tomorrow. I have court at 1:30 regarding my criminal charges against The Crackhead. Until then I’ll leave you with a post that I jacked from another blog I just started reading. Dude is 22 and has his head on straighter than alot of older cats I know. I don’t think guys understand how FAR they can get with a chick if they just approach her the right way and be respectful. For instance, I was approached about a month ago by a guy. He was nice looking but what REALLY blew me away was how respectful he was. He asked for my number and I told him I couldn’t go that route because I have a man (Hey, D. Love you.). I FULLY expected him to come with the line “So, you can’t have friends?” But this dude comes out his mouth and says, “Ok, I see. I respect your man, your relationship. I just had to let you know that you’re a beautiful girl. Take care, have a good day, sweetheart.” Wtf? I was shocked for a quick minute. LOL! And it’s so sad that I WAS shocked! Why can’t all dudes just let you go on your way if you’re not interested or involved with someone?
So, yeah, here’s the post. Fellas, please take note. This shit here will get you MAD points.

I was listening to Kanye West’s Late Registration Promotional CD which has alot of songs that didn’t make the album. There’s one song called Improvise…and one of the lines goes:

There must be more good women than men percentage wise

So her chance of having a husband just minimized

That’s why alot of girls claim they ain’t into guys

And mess with other girls part time to improvise…

We ball till we fall…hit the mall
After we hit…we don’t call…

Fill your lives with nothing but lies

And I would like to apologize
You can’t stand right here and tell me everything’s gonna be alright

Cause until the day a real man steps up, I’m going to have to improvise

Now, is that what you want? Do you want to be a guy who’s just a stand in, an improvisation? Or do you want to be that real man that steps up? I hear guys complaining all the time about how they saw this fine girl and she said that she’s not into guys. Why is that? None of ya’ll ever stop to think about that…all ya’ll do is move on to the next ’skee-o’ or ‘bird’, whatever you call females now. And it’s a damn shame. For those real guys who want some help…read on…

First and foremost, I do not claim to be an expert on the opposite sex. If I was, I wouldn’t have as many problems as I do. I’m not Hitch, so this post is not to be used as a guideline or a step by step booklet for you to obtain any female that you see either. This is only to be used by certain males who just don’t have a f*ckin’ clue.

We must get the basics out of the way first. Obviously, women are people too, so it would help matters if you treated them like people, and not objects, which they aren’t. Whatever pisses you the hell off, will more than likely piss them off too. Personally, I don’t like being called “Hey!”, “Yo!”, “Boy!”, or nothing like that. Shit, I have a name. Ask me for that, and then we can talk. The same thing goes for females. Please, please please!!! Don’t give us a bad name and call girls…especially the ones you don’t know by name any of the following names: yo, girl, ma, shawty, any form of whistling or hollering, skeeo, bird, dame, hotty, cutie…or any derivative of those. And the cardinal rule. NEVER EVER call a woman a ho or a bitch. That’s unacceptable on any level. The proper, and best way, to get someone’s attention would be hello, hi, or something like that. Ask…ASK them for their names dammit. And use it. Make sure you remember it. Repeat it over and over in your head if you have to. And when the conversation is over…end it with something like “It was nice meeting you (insert name here). Hope to see/talk to you again sometime”. That works. Use it. That works for anyone in any social situation. Oh yeah…another strict, very strict rule…if a girl passes you by, one that you don’t know, but you want to get her attention…DO NOT GRAB HER. I mean seriously, what…the….fuck. We’re not cavemen…we don’t beat attractive females over the head with clubs and drag them back to our mud dwellings. That shit stopped like in the Triassic era. Leave it there.

Okay…lets say you miraculously got past the first step and asked the girl her name, and surprisingly she gave it to you. What next huh? Well, it all depends. Are you interested in her, or are you just trying to meet new people? If you’re just trying to meet new people…just be truthful. Matter of fact, in any given situation, be truthful. That shit works. Live by it, die by it. Oh yeah…another important fact. It’s cool to say that you saw her and thought she was attractive and you wanted to see what she’s about…but please, please…find something else. Is she wearing anything unusual? Reading something? Carrying something? Something about her has to give you more information than just what she looks like. If you approach any female with “I think you’re cute”, or “you’re fine, what’s your number…”, do you have any idea what that says to them? I’ll tell you…”Hey, my name is such and such. I’m shallow as hell and I want to fuck you. When’s a good time for you?” Now, do you really want to say that? No…of course not. If she’s reading something, comment on what she’s reading. If she’s wearing some unusual jewelry, or a shirt that says something….something….comment on it. Here, it would help if you were also well versed and had a broad base knowledge about several things. I mean, obviously, you’re not going to be able to comment on an anthropology book that she’s reading if all you read are comic books. So, you have to broaden your horizons too.

And in the conversation, please listen. Try your hardest to listen. And interject when appropriate. I know most of you guys have an attention span of a catepillar…but you have to try on this one. Pay attention. Shit don’t cost that much…just some of your time and mental resources. Listen to what she has to say. I know you hear her…but LISTEN. There’s a big difference. And don’t look bored when she’s talking. Eye contact too dammit…don’t look everywhere else wondering whats going on around you. And if you’re too shy to make eye contact…keep your eyes around her face area. That would make it seem like you’re giving eye contact. And don’t go staring at something on her face either…that shit makes people uncomfortable. Aiight…a good hint if you’re that shy and can’t look someone in the eyes…look at either her eyebrows or just between her eyebrows. It would give the appearance of eye contact, and then you can work your way to real eye contact. And…I can’t have to repeat this enough…here eyes are on her face, not her chest. And if she asks you questions…I’m going to have to ask you to give more than one word answers. You see how she’s talking to you in coherent sentences with shit you learned in 5th grade…subject, verbs, and predicates? You do that too. Don’t give yep and uh huh as answers. You look as smart as a brick when you do that. Sound interested in what she has to say. And when it comes to talking about yourself…please don’t sound like God sent you here on earth with a mission to make everyone’s life better. Everyone on earth is God’s gift, not just you. Check your arrogance at the door. Keep it simple…talk about what you like doing, what interests you….goals, something. And if you don’t have anything to say (please, come up with something), don’t lie…cause those will follow you. Just say something like you’re open to to try something new. Technically, that’s not a lie, since you don’t do shit, anything you’ll be doing will be new.

And dammit…make sure you’re clean. Would you want to talk to a dirty girl? Then why would a girl want to talk to a dirty guy? Some of ya’ll are just…whoa. Would it hurt if you combed your hair and washed your face a lil? And damn…I know you don’t feel cool with close fitting pants, but I’m gonna have to ask you to pull your pants up so they’re not hanging all off of your ass. You think girls like that? Now, I’m not going to tell you how to dress, cause your style is your style…but at least try. And try to look neat too.

Please treat women with respect. The golden rule is golden for a damn reason. If it were called the platinum rule, I guess more of ya’ll mofo’s would follow the shit. Treat people how you want to be treated. Don’t disrespect her…especially not in public. Talk to her like an individual…like a human being please. And no, she’s not one of your boys, so don’t talk to her that way. Believe it or not…most women are intellectual and don’t want to dumb themselves down to talk to you.

I’m going to have to ask some of you to use some damn common sense. If they want you to call….please call. Would you like to wait by the phone? Of course not…then why would she? And if you really like her…you have to make sacrifices. Play ball with the boys or go out with the girl? Ummm…see, it depends. If you’ve been spending alot of time with her..and you’re neglecting your friends, make that known. But if it’s the other way around…your boys will be there later. And unless it’s known from the jump that things are open…don’t try courting other females (notice how I said ‘court’ and not ‘holla’…you’re not doing that anymore). First off…that’s mad disrespectful. And it will complicate your situation to levels you probably won’t be able to handle. Keep shit simple.

Now…I’m only here to get your foot into the door…I can’t hold your hand all the way through it. And I know what you’re thinking…that I must be some dating expert or something. Hell no. My dating life isn’t what I would consider perfect by a longshot. I have so many problems, I don’t even know where to begin. All I’m saying is that I’ve witnessed some of ya’ll making so many missteps…that it’s depressing knowing that I’m a guy too. I hope that all women don’t think that we all act that way, cause we don’t. There are still some civilized ones among us. I’m just sorry you have to wade through so much trash to find what you’re looking for.